Politics

Gadsden, GA - In an unprecedented and mysterious wave of mass resignations, at least 358 Catholic priests from around the nation have left the church in the last six days to pursue new careers as DAs in Etowah County, Alabama. “I know it seems a bit odd,” confessed newly retired William O’Malley of Boston. “It means three grueling years of...

Washington D.C. - Continuing his whirlwind media tour, President Trump's counsel Rudy Giuliani told ABC News Tuesday that the President "probably" has the power to pardon himself for any crime: "The constitution puts no limits on the President's explicit power to pardon any person accused of a crime in the United States," Giuliani Explained. "And trust me, this has nothing...

Los Angeles, CA – The Los Angeles County Fire Department announced plans Monday to join in the City’s effort to prevent the recent outbreaks of Hepatitis A and Typhus from reaching epidemic levels by conducting carefully controlled burns of the county's homeless population. "We're starting with Skid Row, obviously," explained LAFP Chief Dale Mahorn. "But ultimately, if we're really taking...

Olduvai Gorge, Tanzania - During a tearful visit to the place she first met mankind, Mother Earth announced Tuesday that she has given up on her relationship with homo-sapiens. "I really tried to make it work," she explained. "In the early days, humanity was so good to me. It used to respect my boundaries and worship me like a...

Washington D.C.- Following the announcement Sunday that The White House would be terminating The Deferred Action on Childhood Arrivals ("DACA") program, otherwise known as The DREAM Act, President Trump urged congress Monday to pass his newly introduced replacement legislation, The Lucid Nightmare Act. Unlike The Dream Act, which protected young undocumented immigrants from deportation if they were brought to...

We all know that glory is fleeting in this administration. But recent events have been a true wake-up call to those of us who too often take our White House colleagues for granted. They say tragedies come in threes; but you never expect them to happen so close together, or so close to home. It all started 10 days ago,...

Brentwood, CA - Breitbart News Executive Chair and controversial right-wing firebrand Steve Bannon resigned Tuesday in the wake of the publication of a new book attributing to him numerous incendiary statements critical of President Trump and his family. In an apparent effort to put a positive spin on what is widely seen as an epic downfall, Bannon issued a statement...

Washington D.C. - As their father prepared to leave on a 17-day golf vacation Friday evening, Eric and Donald Trump Jr. commenced detailed planning of an epic party to be thrown at the White House as soon as the old man’s gone. “Donnie has been waiting for this since the day his Dad got elected,” reported a White House...

Corpus Christi, TX - In the devastating aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, nearly four million Texans are without electricity and internet, cutting them off from the liberal media's relentless campaign to fool the nation into believing the unproven theory of man-made climate change. Residents of 17 Southeast Texas counties are, for the time being, safe from the manipulative fear-mongering of...

Bedminster, NJ - With golf course flags at half-mast, the President of the United States unequivocally denounced the barbarous violence perpetrated by all sides in the brutal murder Saturday of a counter-protester at a white-nationalist rally in Charlottesville, NC. According to the President, white supremacist James Alex Fields Jr's act of driving his 2010 Dodge Challenger into a crowd...