Don Jr. Has No Recollection of Telling Father How Third Season of Narcos Ends
Washington D.C. - Newly leaked transcripts of the Senate testimony of Donald Trump Jr. reveal that the president's firstborn had his allowance cut in half following an incident in the Fall of 2017 in which Don Jr. allegedly told his father how the third season of Narcos ends before the President had a chance to watch the finale for himself.
"I do not...
Scaramucci Fucks America On First Date; Never Calls Back
Washington D.C. - Confimring everything America already thought about men, Anthony Scaramucci reportedly ghosted the Nation last week after the two had sex on their first date. "I'm totally fine," the U.S. told reporters via text Monday. "It's just that I NEVER do that on a first date. And we had such an amazing night together. He was just...
Inspiring! US Announces Transition, Comes Out As Authoritarian Kleptocracy
After much speculation, The United States of America has officially come out as an Authoritarian Kleptocracy. In an interview with ABC News' Diane Sawyer which will air this Friday evening, the former democratic republic confirmed what many had long suspected: "I believe that checks and balances are inefficient and counter-productive," The U.S. stated. "And I don't care who knows...