After much speculation, The United States of America has officially come out as an Authoritarian Kleptocracy. In an interview with ABC News’ Diane Sawyer which will air this Friday evening, the former democratic republic confirmed what many had long suspected: “I believe that checks and balances are inefficient and counter-productive,” The U.S. stated. “And I don’t care who knows it anymore.”

“My whole life I pretended. I pretended to respect the rule of law and a free press. I pretended to want an even playing field where success was based on merit. And I pretended to have disdain for corruption and Nepotism. But I was living a lie. I believe the wealthy should be able to stay on top by rigging the system in their favor, and I’m proud of it.”

The U.S. went on to explain that the transition may take a few years to complete, but assured Sawyer that the announcement was not a publicity stunt: “This is not a process that happens over-night, it will be slow and at times painful. But now that I know who I really am, I will not stop until the reflection in the mirror matches what’s in my heart.”