Lena Dunham: “Some of My Best Friends Are Women”

Self-proclaimed feminist Lena Dunham has found herself in the midst of a yet another messy controversy following comments she made on twitter Monday defending her friend and co-worker Murray Miller after he was accused of rape by an actress, who was 17 at the time. The collective outrage toward Dunham did, however, seem to subside after the "Girls" creator...

Nicolas Cage Marks Himself “Safe” During Hollywood Witch Hunt

Las Vegas, NV - Friends, family, and admirers of Hollywood mega-star Nicolas Cage were relieved Monday morning to receive a Facebook notification from the National Treasure star marking himself “Safe” during the devastating Witch Hunt that has killed and injured the careers of countless powerful male celebrities and executives in recent weeks. “As a man, it has been beyond...

Woody Allen: We Can’t Create An Atmosphere Where Every Girl Cries ‘Rape’ Just ’cause She Slept With Her Dad And Later Regretted It

Beverly Hills, CA - During a rare interview with Variety, legendary director Woody Allen commented for the first time on the Harvey Weinstein sex-abuse scandal which has rocked Hollywood to its core. "It's very tragic for the poor women involved," Allen explained. "But you also don't want to create an atmosphere where every girl cries rape just 'cause she...

O.J. Relieved To Finally Be Away From All Those Black People

After serving nine years in prison following conviction for a 2007 armed robbery, newly released hall-of-fame running back O.J. Simpson reported Sunday that he is greatly relieved to finally be away from all those black people. "Here's the thing they don't tell you about prison," O.J. told reporters from his Brentwood golf course. "It's full of black people. Like...

Report: Hugh Hefner Stiffest He’s Been In Years

Beverly Hills, CA - Less than 48 hours after the death of 91-year-old iconic Playboy publisher Hugh Hefner, many of those close to him reported great satisfaction at seeing the polyamorous porn-mogul stiffer than he had been in many years. Crystal Harris, Hefner's 31-year-old widow, told reporters this was the firmest she had ever seen her husband in the...

Disgraced Woman Admits Exaggerating How Blessed She Is On Instagram

East Bay, CA - Insta-wife and mother of two, Maddison Klein, pleaded guilty Wednesday to lying to her 2,000+ Instagram followers by using misleading hashtags such as #soblessed, #livingmybestlife, and #besthubbyever under dozens of posts; when in fact, she was neither so blessed nor living her best life. Outside the courthouse Klein broke down in tears as she...

The New Yorker Sues Make-A-Wish Foundation Over Guarantee Andy Borowitz Had 3 Months To Live

New York, NY - Attorneys for The New Yorker magazine filed suit Monday against Make-A-Wish Foundation, alleging the charitable organization falsely promised in 2012 that "satirical" news writer Andy Borowitz had only three months to live. The New Yorker claims they detrimentally relied on this promise when they allowed Borowitz to begin publishing his god-awful attempts at satire on...

Electronic Supergroup ‘Flying Flotus’ To Release Surprise Album

Los Angeles, CA - Experimental Electronic music fans around the world were thrilled this morning with the announcement that Supergroup FLYING FLOTUS will be dropping a surprise record at midnight tonight. The group, comprised of iconic producer Flying Lotus and First Lady of the United States Melania Trump, has reportedly been working on the album in secret at a...

Hilarious Man On Facebook Leaves Sick Burn Under Woman’s Post About Being Raped

BROOKLYN, NY- Up-and-coming local stand-up comic Edward Figone raised eyebrows Sunday evening when he left the hilarious comment: "#humblebrag" under Facebook friend, Leah Cooper’s post about how she had recently been sexually assaulted walking home from work. "I was just scrolling through the feed and the word ‘rape’ caught my eye," Figone explained. "She was blabbering on about how...

Unattractive Woman With HBO Always Seems To Get Laid On Sunday Night

Amherst, NY - Local grad student Naureen Nayak, a homely young woman in possession of her parents' HBO Go password, has been inexplicably laid six Sundays in a row according to friends and neighbors. "I just don’t get it," mused neighbor Ryan Majewski. "Naureen is unfuckable even by drunk-male standards. Yet I heard her banging through the wall every...