Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Redskins’ Owner Unveils Newly Acquired Team Logo

Washington D.C. - In what he called "the culmination of a lifelong dream," Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder gleefully unveiled his team's new "Chief Wooha" logo at a press conference Monday. "I've been begging Larry to sell me the rights for 15 years!" Snyder explained in an apparent reference to Cleveland Indians owner Larry Dolan. "When he called me...

Jon Gruden Spends Afternoon At Zoo Giving Expert Breakdowns of Various Animals

Tampa, Fla - A delighted crowd looked on Saturday as Monday Night Football color analyst Jon Gruden spent the better part of an afternoon telling a class of First-graders exactly what he likes about each of the many animals at the Lowry Park Zoo. “I gotta tell ya, I can’t believe the size of some of these elephants Lowry Park...

Concussed NFL Player Forgets To Thank God During Press Conference

Seattle, WA - Following a game in which he suffered a powerful blow to the head, Seahawks' star quarterback Russell Wilson shocked reporters and teammates alike by making it through an entire post-game press conference without once mentioning God. "Man, I've never seen anything like it," relayed teammate Paul Richardson. "Russell always opens and closes his pressers by giving all...

O.J. Relieved To Finally Be Away From All Those Black People

After serving nine years in prison following his conviction for a 2007 armed robbery, newly released hall-of-fame running back O.J. Simpson reported Sunday that he is greatly relieved to finally be away from all those black people. "Here's the thing they don't tell you about prison," O.J. told reporters from his Brentwood golf course. "It's full of black people....

Joe Thomas Admits Thinking About Other Quarterbacks While Protecting Browns’ Signal Callers

Cleveland, OH - Perennial All-Pro offensive tackle Joe Thomas shocked fans Monday when he admitted during an ESPN interview that he sometimes thinks about other quarterbacks when blocking for whoever is playing quarterback for the Browns that week. "I love the Browns organization and the people of Cleveland," Thomas explained. "They've taken good care of me for 11 years....

Joe Thomas Admits He’s Never Learned The Name of Any Browns’ Quarterback

Cleveland, OH - Browns' all-pro offensive tackle Joe Thomas set a jaw-dropping NFL record Sunday when he surpassed 10,000 consecutive snaps without ever coming out of a game. However, in a stunning admission, Thomas conceded at the post-game press conference that, during his entire 11-year streak, he never once bothered to the learn the name of the quarterback he...

McGregor Vows Not To Lose Decision By More Than 20 Points

“I’m the greatest MMA fighter of all time and I’ve recently learned the rules of boxing. There’s no way Floyd is gonna beat me by more than 20 points.”