Tampa, Fla – A delighted crowd looked on Saturday as Monday Night Football color analyst Jon Gruden spent the better part of an afternoon telling a class of First-graders exactly what he likes about each of the many animals at the Lowry Park Zoo.
“I gotta tell ya, I can’t believe the size of some of these elephants Lowry Park just brought in from San Diego,” Gruden explained. “I mean, holy smokes. The ears, the tusks, everything about ‘em is just massive. I don’t think there’s a bull in this hemisphere that would even THINK about trying to bull-rush these behemoths!”
Patrons and staff alike reported being highly impressed not only by Gruden’s enthusiastic and insightful observations of the zoo’s vast array of fauna, but also with the Super-Bowl winning coach’s outstanding rapport with the children: “I’ll tell ya what, Nathan,” Gruden said as he drew 6-year-old Nathan Jaspert’s attention to a near-by gorilla enclosure. “I was up all last night watching tape on the Western Lowland Gorilla, that’s this fella here, and would you believe they can snap a bamboo tree clean in half? Can you imagine the grip-strength that must take? Talk about ball-security!”
Of all the zoo’s exhibits, Gruden seemed most enamored with the big cats: “Geez Louise, are these tigers something else, or what? This is a perfect example of what a coach looks for in explosiveness off the line of scrimmage,” Gruden said referencing an Asian Bengal walking near the glass. “I love this guy. He has natural ability you just can’t teach. Can you even imagine trying to take him down him in the open field?”
As of press time, Gruden was seen wandering around the bird enclosure, muttering to patrons about the likely outcome of a battle between Seahawks and Falcons on a windy day where feather viscosity would be a more significant factor than talon-strength in deciding aviary supremacy.