Washington D.C. – In what he called “the culmination of a lifelong dream,” Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder gleefully unveiled his team’s new “Chief Wooha” logo at a press conference Monday. “I’ve been begging Larry to sell me the rights for 15 years!” Snyder explained in an apparent reference to Cleveland Indians owner Larry Dolan. “When he called me this morning and told me the Chief was finally mine, I knew that all the flack I’ve gotten over my team’s name was worth it. At long last, the Washington Redskins have a logo worthy of our name.”
Snyder, renowned for his courageous refusal to even consider changing his team’s racial-slur moniker, elaborated on the social significance of the historical merger of name and image: “Everyone loves the Redskins name, but honestly, the grumpy injun in our logo was holding us back. He’s so old and serious and his feathers are pointed down. It’s such a negative image of such a proud, storied people. The Chief, on the other hand, presents a positive image of the indigenous peoples of this country as the happy, leathery heathens they are.”
As of press time, representatives of the Washington football team provided no definitive answer to press inquiries regarding whether or not Chief Wooha would be featured as a mascot as well as a logo. However, they did indicate that Mr. Snyder would be hosting a very serious pow wow on the subject this weekend.