What do you get for that special woman who has it all? How about a “personalized” twist on a classic childhood treat! Yes, there is actually a company that will turn your stinky man sauce into sweet, chewy, edible “Cummy Bears™.”

Sure, you could just get her a boring ol’ box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day. But how sexy would it be to imagine your sweetie munching on your little guys while she’s on the phone with her mom? Or snacking on these golden nuggets of energy while hiking with her girlfriends?

By now you’re probably wondering about the process Cummy Bears uses to turn your DNA into these musky morsels: First the company will send you a kit, complete with a sterile thermos, shipping label, and a detailed full-color pamphlet breaking down which foods will yield the tastiest load of scrotal serum. All you have to do is beat your bald bishop while imagining Chaz, that douchebag trainer who flirts with your woman at the gym, reaching into her stash of Cummy Bears while he’s stretching her groin and unknowingly swallowing your gelatinized jiz. You’ll explode into that container in no time.

Once your little warm cup o’ gold is sealed, labeled and mailed to the lab, Cummy Bears will do the rest; including following any special delivery instructions that may or may not involve Chaz. Talk about romantic!