Los Angeles, CA – 25-year-old exotic dancer Eden Hooper filed suit Monday against Jane Doe, recent recipient of a $1.1 million settlement from R&B singer Usher, alleging that she gave Usher the herpes virus he later transmitted to Doe. “She’s carrying a very specific version of that virus that he got from me,” Hooper explained. “Although it wasn’t transmitted directly from me to her, the original content was mine. And I’m therefore entitled to at least 50% of the settlement she got from him as a result of that content.”

Doe’s lawyer shot back calling the suit “utterly frivolous.” “Anyone who takes even a cursory glance at Ms. Hooper’s sores and Ms. Doe’s sores will immediately recognize that they are NOT substantially similar, and are thus unique and separate viruses,” he argued. “All lovers inspire and borrow from each other. But it was the distinctive catchiness of my client’s herpes that allowed them to go viral on the level they did. Ms. Hooper is simply jealous.”