Politics

Washington D.C. - As their father prepared to leave on a 17-day golf vacation Friday evening, Eric and Donald Trump Jr. commenced detailed planning of an epic party to be thrown at the White House as soon as the old man’s gone. “Donnie has been waiting for this since the day his Dad got elected,” reported a White House...

By Bart O'Kavanaugh I was deeply honored to stand at the White House July 9 with my wife, Whatsherface, and my daughters, they know who they are, to accept President Trump’s nomination to succeed my former boss and total fucking madman Justice Anthony Kennedy, on the United States Supreme Court of Beer. My mom, who I call Mom—one of the...

Washington D.C. - In an utterly predictable move, leftist cuck Jeff Sessions betrayed his president Thursday by issuing a statement in support of the integrity of the United States Department of Justice, a virulently biased anti-trump organization which he currently heads. "While I am Attorney General, the actions of the Department of Justice will not be improperly influenced by political...

Minneapolis, MN - Shares of Pornhub rose 8% Friday as America's liberals continued their record-breaking consumption of VIVID MEDIA's newly released virtual reality porn series depicting the impeachment proceedings of President Donald John Trump. The first video in the series, titled "100 senators impeach the shit out of platinum blonde President," has garnered over 60 million views since its...

Earth - Financial markets fell world-wide Tuesday following threats of nuclear attack made by an utterly delusional world leader with an awful haircut who demands unflinching loyalty to feed his pathological narcissism to mask his crippling insecurity. The leader, who many have described as a giant baby desperate for the love and approval of his people, emphasized the extraordinary...

Just hours after midterm elections were officially called, irrefutable evidence of widespread voter fraud surfaced when Florence Stanely, a registered Democrat, posted a picture with not one, but two “I Voted” stickers. The Problem? One of the stickers was on her child, who is clearly too young to be a registered voter. “Sticker fraud is a very serious crime,” insisted...

After much speculation, The United States of America has officially come out as an Authoritarian Kleptocracy. In an interview with ABC News' Diane Sawyer which will air this Friday evening, the former democratic republic confirmed what many had long suspected: "I believe that checks and balances are inefficient and counter-productive," The U.S. stated. "And I don't care who knows...

Beverly Hills, CA - Renowned Psychiatrist Dr. Bernard Neagle confirmed Wednesday that recently fired Breitbart chief and former Whitehouse advisor Steve Bannon has indeed been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder following a horrifying incident in which Mr. Bannon accidentally pressed #2 for Spanish while applying for unemployment benefits over the phone. "Mr. Bannon was already in a very fragile psychological state due to...

Washington D.C. - In a bold departure from Christmas tradition, the White House unveiled a festive burning lawn-cross as part of its Holiday decorations Tuesday. The First Lady's office described the motif: "The choice of orange flame on wooden cross represents both the eternal flame of Christ's kingdom as well as the fiery depths of Hell from which Lord Satan monitors all...

Washington D.C. - Continuing his whirlwind media tour, President Trump's counsel Rudy Giuliani told ABC News Tuesday that the President "probably" has the power to pardon himself for any crime: "The constitution puts no limits on the President's explicit power to pardon any person accused of a crime in the United States," Giuliani Explained. "And trust me, this has nothing...