Washington D.C. – As their father prepared to leave on a 17-day golf vacation Friday evening, Eric and Donald Trump Jr. commenced detailed planning of an epic party to be thrown at the White House as soon as the old man’s gone. “Donnie has been waiting for this since the day his Dad got elected,” reported a White House source who asked to remain anonymous. “The kegs are on the way, the DJ’s equipment truck is parked out back, and the staff has been given the weekend off. In about two hours, it’s fucking on.”

“If you thought this house was white before, you should see it when I’m done with it,” Don Jr. told reporters. “I’m gonna fuck in the oval office. I’m gonna fuck in the Lincoln Bedroom. And you won’t even wanna see the situation in the Situation Room come Sunday. Speaking of white, hey Eric, where’s Bannon at on that blow?”

When asked to comment on his sons’ plans to trash the place while he’s gone, The President dismissed Don Jr’s statements as “locker room talk.” “Donnie and Eric are very good boys and would never do such a thing,” Mr. Trump said. “And even if they did, they know to always lock Dad’s bedroom door before the party starts.”