Sunday, June 15, 2025

Beautiful! Teen Thought Murdered Until Parents Found Her Suicide Pinterest Page

Whiskeyleaks.net
If this story doesn’t warm your heart, you are clearly a robot or a German - The heartbroken parents of 15-year-old Andrea Stith were desperate for answers after their beloved daughter was found asphyxiated in the trunk of her boyfriend’s car last week. Under the circumstances, they were naturally somewhat suspicious that foul play had occurred. That was until...

Breaking: Active Shooter In U.S. 

United States - In the wake of reports of a mass shooting currently in progress since early Monday morning August 1st, 1966, the Nation’s local law enforcement are urging residents within the perimeters of the entire country to stay inside until the suspects have been apprehended. “If you are between the 1200-block of...

LAFP Announces Controlled Burn of Homeless To Slow Spread of Typhus And Hep-A

Los Angeles, CA – The Los Angeles County Fire Department announced plans Monday to join in the City’s effort to prevent the recent outbreaks of Hepatitis A and Typhus from reaching epidemic levels by conducting carefully controlled burns of the county's homeless population. "We're starting with Skid Row, obviously," explained LAFP Chief Dale Mahorn. "But ultimately, if we're really taking...

Retail Center Declares Marshalls Law

Maddison, WI - In an effort to protect retail workers from throngs of middle-aged women taking advantage of designer products at sensible prices, local retail plaza East Town Mall announced its plans Tuesday to declare Marshalls Law.  “We will still have the same high-end brands at low prices our customers have come to expect,”...

Mercury In Retrograde, Widespread Bloodshed Inevitable

Earth – In yet more bad news for Earth, early this morning the planet Mercury went into retrograde. The unexpected shift in the forward motion of the tiny planet signals a sudden and bitter end to the peace and prosperity we as a species had enjoyed for decades. Over the last 50 years, governed by the forward motion of the small...

LAPD “Lip Sync Challenge” Ruined When Black Camera Man Shot By Cadet

Police departments across the nation have made great strides in lightening their image in recent weeks by participating in the online viral "police lip sync challenge." By showing the soft and silly side of the Nation's law-enforcement officers, the challenge has succeeded in easing racial tensions and connecting officers to the communities they serve. Sadly, those efforts hit a...

Guy Who Invited Drunk Asshole To Party Struggles With How To Shift Blame

Zionsville, IN - In a totally unexpected ordeal, local IT project manager Patrick Leaming struggled with how to deflect blame after inviting obnoxious asshole Bill Gowing to a friend’s house party Friday night. "I didn’t think he would actually show up," an exacerbated Leaming explained to reporters. "I hadn’t seen the guy in years and randomly ran into him...

New Breed of Cat Designed To Be As Ugly As Human Baby

Old Lady’s Basement, OH - Long sought after as the apex of pet-breeding, elite breeders Schroder & Simmons announced Tuesday they have successfully bred a cat whose features are as ugly as those of a human infant. The newly christened "Wrinkle Necked Toe head" is an utterly helpless hairless feline, so crusty, bloated and discolored, that people are compelled...

Bernie Sanders Sends Back Soup

Burlington, Vermont - What started off as a perfectly normal Tuesday morning at the Main Street Delicatessen was turned upside down when U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders first ordered, then returned, a cup of lobster bisque soup. The soup, according to the Vermont Junior Senator, was just too damn hot. “It’s soup, it’s supposed to be hot," explained incredulous Main Street Deli...

Man Prepares Organic Gluten-Free Non-GMO Meal For Dog Who Just Ate Own Shit

Portland, OR - Local coffee-blogger Damien Lardner impressed friends and neighbors Sunday when he spent nearly an hour preparing a nutritious organic gluten-free Non-GMO vegan meal for his beloved dog Gypsy who had just eaten her own shit. "It was really impressive," claimed visiting neighbor Jordan Brennan. "Damien loves Gypsy so much. He just wants her to be happy and...