Sunday, June 15, 2025

OP-ED: I Am an Independent, Impartial Judge of Beer

By Bart O'Kavanaugh I was deeply honored to stand at the White House July 9 with my wife, Whatsherface, and my daughters, they know who they are, to accept President Trump’s nomination to succeed my former boss and total fucking madman Justice Anthony Kennedy, on the United States Supreme Court of Beer. My mom, who I call Mom—one of the...

OP-ED: A Man Can’t Even Hug A Female Now Without Her Noticing That He’s Raping Her

The cultural rules of dating have changed so rapidly in my lifetime that I often feel like an alien who cannot keep up with the human customs... bleep blorp meep boop LOL! Maybe I'm just old fashioned and out of touch but in my day, women wanted to be pursued and seduced. And men felt secure knowing they wouldn't...

My Hair And Teeth Are Falling Out; Should I Be Worried?

Dear Whiskeyleaks, I’ve always had thick, lustrous hair and good teeth. But recently my hair and teeth have started falling out at an alarming rate. I know I shouldn’t jump to conclusions or do anything rash, but after doing some internet research on my symptoms, I’m getting really concerned. My question: Is there actually something wrong with me? Or is...

Genius! This “Tinder For Incels” Will Stalk And Verbally Abuse Women BEFORE They Even Reject You

Dating can be exhausting when you're an incel. After swiping left on 90 percent of Tinder profiles because the prospects are too fat, too tall, too ethnic, too old, too successful, too sexually experienced, wear too much make-up, have tattoos, are on a dating site, or have an inadequate hip-to-waist ratio; you are left with only a few acceptable...

16 Things Your Cleaning Lady Wishes You Knew…OMG I’m So Guilty of #12!

We’ve interviewed experienced housekeepers on matters, such as how much to tip, which requests are considered rude, and how much sexual harassment is too much.

Matt Damon Rumored To Play 4 Thai Navy Seals In Upcoming Cave-Rescue Film

Burbank, CA - Just hours after news broke that all 12 members of the Wild Boar soccer team, along with their coach, have been rescued from a cave in Thailand after two harrowing weeks, Legendary Entertainment has already secured the film rights to the story. Even more intriguing was a tweet from Matt Damon agent Patrick Whitesell revealing that the Goodwill...

Op-ed: The Toy Under The Couch Is Never Coming Back

It happened again. I swore it never would, but it did. I lost control of my favorite scrunchy foil ball and it went under the couch; just out of paw's reach. And this time I know it's never coming back. This was the longest it had ever been in my possession and I was certain I had learned how...

OP-ED: I Drowned My First Litter; And It Was The Right Thing To Do

My name is Miss Igloo. And I drowned my first litter. For nearly five years, I buried those words in a hairball of secrecy and shame. But today, at long last, I open my almost-lips and speak them publicly for the very first time. I got pregnant at six-months-old. And I drowned my first litter. And my only regret is...

Internet Divided Over Whether Yanni Sounds Like Music Or Ear Torture

Just three years ago, a debate over the color of a dress nearly broke the internet. Now, a four-second audio clip of the Greek keyboardist known as "Yanni" has sparked an even fiercer debate; leaving best friends questioning each others’ sanity, 20-year marriages ending, and in a few cases, people emptying bottles of Drano into their own ears. Listen to...