Heilongjiang, China – A torrent of rage swirled through Twitter Saturday following news that American hunter Owen Jacobs and his son Owen Jr. illegally shot and killed Hungbae, a beautiful and majestic Chinese dairy cow, for beef and leather.
“Hungbae still had years of milk harvesting ahead of her,” animal activist @AllAnimalsMatter tweeted. “And to see the senseless death of a beautiful creature that, for some reason, I am able to anthropomorphize, just makes me furious.”
Jacobs, a wealthy New York philanthropist, and conservationist, reportedly trespassed onto the property of the biggest dairy farm in China in search of a trophy that none of his shit-bag skiing buddies in Vail, Colorado yet had. Despite this noble intention, meat eaters across the globe were also disgusted: “Killing an animal for a different reason than one that I can relate to is reprehensible,” ranted Crossfit enthusiast @datPaleolyfe. “What kind of monster would murder such a subjectively beautiful creature, whom we normally only eat in the male form, when all she ever desired was to continue being pumped full of hormones, in order to trick her body into producing milk for her nonexistent calves?”
The hashtag #uddershame has exploded in the wake of the helpless heifer, Hungbae’s murder. Mr. Jacobs has yet to comment. But his Instagram posts strongly suggest that he will be mounting her head in some kind of sick display of male bravado and continues to profit off beef jerky and rustic cuff sales from his crime against bovinity.