Portland, OR – Local coffee-blogger Damien Lardner impressed friends and neighbors Sunday when he spent nearly an hour preparing a nutritious organic gluten-free Non-GMO vegan meal for his beloved dog Gypsy who had just eaten her own shit.
“It was really impressive,” claimed visiting neighbor Jordan Brennan. “Damien loves Gypsy so much. He just wants her to be happy and healthy. And how better to show her that than by making her a delicious tofu ginger kale poke-bowl.”
“I know some people think it’s silly,” Lardner told reporters. “But they don’t understand what sophisticated palates Pit-beagle mixes have. And nothing’s too good for my Gypsy.”
Lardner’s girlfriend, Kim Montontallo, who had just returned from a walk with Gypsy, did not have the heart to tell her boyfriend the bad news. “He worked so hard on that meal and was so proud of it,” she explained. “How could I tell him that Gypsy just ate her own turd outside not five minutes before?”