New York, NY – 35-year-old bar manager Conrad Richards was reportedly disturbed late Saturday, following a loud and vigorous sex-session with Tinder date, Lanitta Ellis, when he noticed her cat, less than three feet away, staring stoically at the exasperated couple.
“I asked her how long he’d been layin’ there all wide-eyed and frozen like that,” a shaken-up Richards relayed. “Like, we were in a lot of different positions and there was a lot of yelling and grunting. How did that not freak him out?”
Richards, who vaguely remembers seeing the cat when the couple drunkenly stumbled into the bedroom, expressed the distinct feeling that this wasn’t an unusual occurrence for Lanitta or her cat: “The way she just laughed and shrugged it off was kinda weird, ya know? Like, doesn’t it bother the little guy that his mom is gettin’ plowed right in front of him? Does he enjoy it or somethin’?”
When asked about her pet’s odd behavior, Ms. Ellis told reporters she just doesn’t see why it’s a big deal: “Would he prefer it if Nutmeg had interacted with us more? Like, if he hopped up on the bed and licked our asses? Would that be less creepy? Should he have meowed or something?” Lanitta shook her head… “He’s just a polite cat!”