Medford, MA – 33 year-old climatologist Dr. Edward Hinson shrewdly cashed in on the widespread global warming hoax by landing a cushy adjunct professorship at Tufts University Thursday. Dr. Hinson, who has been perpetuating the junk science of climate change for nearly 11 years, once testified before congress about the dangers of sea level rise. He has also been arrested at anti-climate change protests on three separate occasions. It is now clear that his decade-plus of shameless deceit was a carefully calculated plan to one day land a non-tenure track job that pays $24,000 a year, provides no benefits, and requires biweekly lectures to half empty rooms of indifferent, hungover rich kids.
“I knew one day all the sacrifices and lies would be worth it,” Hinson told reporters, unable to mask a beaming smile. “In 2008, when I was a graduate student at Yale and I falsified my first paper indicating that many models actually underestimate the speed at which global warming is occurring, I could only dream that one day the liberal academic establishment would reward me with a sweet gig like this. I’m now the envy of the other 99.8% of climate scientists who likewise fabricate data in the hopes of hitting the adjunct-jackpot! Good life, here comes Dr. Hinson!”
Friends close to Hinson told reporters that he planned to further enrich himself by eventually purchasing a small piece of land in Michigan, which his research indicates will be the last significant source of fresh water left in the U.S. by the time he’s ready to retire in 30 or 40 years…. Psych!