Earth – Financial markets fell world-wide Tuesday following threats of nuclear attack made by an utterly delusional world leader with an awful haircut who demands unflinching loyalty to feed his pathological narcissism to mask his crippling insecurity. The leader, who many have described as a giant baby desperate for the love and approval of his people, emphasized the extraordinary destruction he would inflict upon his enemies if threats to the security of his people persisted. “It was difficult growing up in the shadow of his father,” a sycophant close to the leader reported. “He really wants to be remembered for something different; something he did all by himself. And his father never nuked anyone.”