New York, NY – Attorneys for The New Yorker magazine filed suit Monday against Make-A-Wish Foundation, alleging the charitable organization falsely promised in 2012 that “satirical” news writer Andy Borowitz had only three months to live. The New Yorker claims they detrimentally relied on this promise when they allowed Borowitz to begin publishing his god-awful attempts at satire on their website.

“The New Yorker, in an act of merciful kindness toward a man they were assured was terminally ill, permitted Borowitz to tarnish their brand and reputation by publishing his patently unfunny articles under their banner,” the complaint stated. “The New Yorker brand was undoubtedly strong enough to endure three months of this, but it has now been five years and the motherfucker is still not dead.”

Borowitz, known for his unbearably heavy-handed headlines such as “Devos says Trump’s 40% approval rating means more than half the country supports him,” has in recent months demonstrated he is equally adept at utterly nonsensical headlines such as “Louisiana breaks off trade relations with Ireland.”

“We knew he would be bad,” confessed New Yorker Editor-in-Chief David Remnick. “But we had no idea an adult professional comedy writer could so thoroughly lack any grasp of irony, subtlety or the very concept of satire. We just figured: ‘Hey, he wrote the Fresh Prince. How bad could he be?’”

The New Yorker’s complaint also requested injunctive relief in the form of a court order directing the Make-A-Wish Foundation to notify Borowitz in writing that he is not funny.

“Why should The New Yorker have to be the bad guy?” Remnick added. “Andy is a really nice guy and I’m not gonna be the one to hurts his feelings when it’s Make-A-Wish who fucked up.”

At least one New Yorker employee came to Borowtiz’ defense: “People beat up on Andy but no one can seriously deny that at least a few of his headlines are so bad that they’re actually unintentionally funny,” explained assistant editor for culture Leah Cutrona. “I mean, who can forget a howler like ‘Gary Johnson says his favorite foreign leader is Obi-Wan Kenobi?’ It’s like watching a three-year-old try to play chess. You feel bad for them, but it’s still funny.”