Genius! Enterprising THOTs Are Leasing Out Ad-Space On Their Lower Backs

If there were a way to expose your brand to a guaranteed fifty unique sets of eyes per week: Each for 15-20 minutes of...

Woman Finds Unsolicited Dick-Pic Surprisingly Fetching

Los Angeles, CA - In stark contrast to the countless unrequested penile photographs with which she was previously inundated, local hostess Sarah Halicki was...

Mother Earth Impatiently Awaits Human Extinction; Needs Some Time To Herself

Olduvai Gorge, Tanzania - During a tearful visit to the place she first met mankind, Mother Earth announced Tuesday that she has given up...

Women With Breast Implants Insecure Says Man With $90,000 Mercedes

Santa Monica, CA - Local attorney Jason Koh delighted colleagues Monday with his witty and acerbic take on the inherent insecurity of women who...

Lena Dunham: “Some of My Best Friends Are Women”

Self-proclaimed feminist Lena Dunham has found herself in the midst of a yet another messy controversy following comments she made on twitter Monday defending...

Twitter In Uproar After Majestic Cow Is Poached For Meat

Heilongjiang, China - A torrent of rage swirled through Twitter Saturday following news that American hunter Owen Jacobs and his son Owen Jr. illegally...

Hundreds Of Catholic Priests Resign To Pursue Careers As Alabama District...

Gadsden, GA - In an unprecedented and mysterious wave of mass resignations, at least 358 Catholic priests from around the nation have left the...

Nicolas Cage Marks Himself “Safe” During Hollywood Witch Hunt

Las Vegas, NV - Friends, family, and admirers of Hollywood mega-star Nicolas Cage were relieved Monday morning to receive a Facebook notification from the...

Beautiful! Teen Thought Murdered Until Parents Found Her Suicide Pinterest Page

If this story doesn’t warm your heart, you are clearly a robot or a German - The heartbroken parents of 15-year-old Andrea Stith were...

Jeff Sessions Announces Crackdown On Sanctuary Elephants

Temerloh, Malaysia - Noting the existential threat posed by undocumented southeast Asian elephants, Attorney general Jeff Sessions embarked upon a bold and dangerous mission...

Concussed NFL Player Forgets To Thank God During Press Conference

Seattle, WA - Following a game in which he suffered a powerful blow to the head, Seahawks' star quarterback Russell Wilson shocked reporters and...

Report: Dad’s Comments On Facebook Actually Pretty Funny

Cedar Park, TX - 15-year-old Ainsley Palmer was reportedly shocked Tuesday evening after discovering that her father’s comments on her Facebook post were...

Woody Allen: We Can’t Create An Atmosphere Where Every Girl Cries...

Beverly Hills, CA - During a rare interview with Variety, legendary director Woody Allen commented for the first time on the Harvey Weinstein sex-abuse...